


there is a potion in your lips (so sweet, i'd die)

by thepistolgirl



Series: the big apple bites, but baby so do i [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Douchebag Strangers, Enemies to Friends, Episode: s04e09 Swan Song, Gay Bar, M/M, Pre-Slash, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 10:49:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11462037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepistolgirl/pseuds/thepistolgirl
Summary: But of course, the universe didn’t like Kurt having more than a few moments of joy, so it had to throw him into Kurt’s path.“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Betty White, New York Edition.”circa ep09





	there is a potion in your lips (so sweet, i'd die)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Andraanna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andraanna/gifts).



> wow it's been over 3 months since i added to this series! i'm very sorry, i've been sorta caught up in life? education and that shit, but i'm back here now~  
> and of course, you have [Andraanna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Andraanna/profile) to thank for my return! their comments really pushed me to keep writing, and I will forever be in their debt :DD
> 
> title comes from overwhelming by jon bellion

_“She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on, in the glass of her boudoir.”_  

 

Kurt sighed as he turned his back to the crowd on the far dance floor that consisted of more gay guys than Kurt had ever thought possible to be in one place. It was almost overwhelming, Goddess Gaga barely soothing the feeling. 

 

In celebration of his mid-year admittance to NYADA, Rachel had pulled Kurt out to a gay club where her entourage were apparently frequent visitors. Rachel had of course claimed the same, but her nights with Kurt back at the loft or at Brody’s, as well as her badly-concealed shock at the atmosphere here, had failed to back her claim completely. Really, Kurt couldn’t be bothered to argue with her. He would’ve been happy enough to have a simple one-on-one mini celebration back home with a few phone calls to his Dad to hear his proud crying, but no, he had to put his ridiculous Chaz Donaldsworth ID to tasteless use.

 

So now that he was half-wasted in boredom, staring at the light-up red bar top that was really starting to hurt his eyes, he just wished he had put his foot down a little more. Rachel had disappeared with Brody to some back corner (and did they really have to take over the gay clubs too? They had the rest of the world to be themselves!) and Kurt was alone. Almost.

 

“Hey, can I get you a drink?” Exhibit A.

 

Kurt sighed harshly but turned to look at the intruder to his peace. He was pretty, he could give him that, but so were most men in this city. A blessing and a curse really.

 

“That depends, are you assuming that I’ll be owing you anything if I accept?”

 

Rather than being thrown off by Kurt’s odd questioning, the man just grinned. “Of course not,” Kurt watched him flag down the bartender with a wave. “But I figured that offering free alcohol would make a better introduction than saying how lonely you looked. Beautiful, but lonely.”

 

Kurt narrowed his eyes at his strange wording. _Was that some kind of back-handed compliment?_ Without any response to the man, Kurt held up his empty martini glass to the bartender, who took it in a single swift motion. Obviously keen not to lose his attention for a second, the stranger immediately took his now empty hand, and held it between the two of his.

 

_How much have I drunk already?_

 

“Now, why would someone like you be sitting all alone at the bar, hmm? You feeling okay?”

 

Kurt blinked, his mouth opening and closing a few times to try and find the right words. “I…”

 

_I need to get away from this douche._  

 

From the open area to Kurt’s left, another stranger appeared.

 

“What are you doing Chad?” 

 

_Oh thank you dear spaghetti monster in the sky._

 

“I’m making friends, obviously. What are you doing?” The was a definite irritated tone in _Chad’s_ voice.

 

“I’m stopping you from making this guy any more uncomfortable with your crappy, predator moves. Now go, get out of here.”

 

“But-!”

 

“No, leave. Go back the guys.”

 

Kurt watched aptly, his eyes darting between the two strange men and their amusing conversation. He witnessed the original guy stalk back into the crowd, apparently to his friends, and Kurt couldn’t keep in the sigh of relief.

 

“Sorry, he can be a little weird sometimes.” The words bought Kurt’s attention to the new guy that had stayed by his side.

 

“Oh, no,” Kurt started, not wanting to offend his companion, “he was okay, it was just a little…” Kurt hesitated, struggling to find the appropriate words. 

 

“Creepy?” Kurt looked up at him in shock at his willingness to talk about his friend like that.

 

“Uhh, I guess so.”

 

“Hey, no!” The guy was laughing now. “We’re fond of him, really, he’s our friend, but we also know that he’s not the most laid-back flirter around. That’s why we keep an eye on him when we’re out.” He held his hand out. “I’m Daryl.”

 

Kurt shocked his hand solidly. “Kurt” he introduced with a smile. 

 

“Well, Kurt, “ Daryl started as the bartender came back with Kurt’s drink. “Why don’t we put that drink on my tab, and you can tell me about yourself.” 

 

Kurt smiled bashfully and let his gaze fell to the floor, but he soon obliged with Daryl’s request. He gave an adjusted version of course, a version suitable for a 21 year old Kurt that wasn’t worried about the bartender figuring out his age.

 

For how crappy the night had started, being abandoned by Rachel after 0.2 seconds and only just getting served with the low lighting on his crappy fake ID, it really did seem like it was taking a turn for the better. There was a very cute guy blatantly flirting with him, painful thoughts of Blaine barely touched his tipsy mind at all, and he had a amazing new school to look forward to attending in the upcoming semester. 

 

But _of course_ , the universe didn’t like Kurt having more than a few moments of joy, so it had to throw _him_ into Kurt’s path. 

 

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Betty White, New York Edition.”

 

Kurt closed his eyes shut and cocked his tense jaw. _Why now? Just when I’m talking to a guy I’m actually interested in?_  

 

Unfortunately, his minute attempts at tricking the predator into thinking he was dead so they won’t attack him, failed spectacularly. 

 

“Um, Kurt? Do you know this guy?” Kurt opened his eyes to see Daryl looking confused and slightly irritated. 

 

Kurt opened his mouth to deny any and all association with anyone of the last name Smythe, but he was interrupted before he could get a peep out.

 

“Of course he does! You see, we went to high school together. Well, not together, but we knew each other while we are at separate high schools.” Sebastian turned from staring at Kurt throughout his monologue, to face Daryl with what Kurt could see was a horribly charming grin. “And how does Kurt know you? Surely he doesn’t have such good taste in men.”

 

“Uhh, you know what? I’m just gonna let you two catch up, I’m sure you have a lot to… catch up on? Yeah. Nice to meet you Kurt, and you…?” Daryl trailed off in his awkward mumbling as he stood from his perch on Kurt’s neighbouring bar stool. 

 

“Sebastian.” The idiot helpfully produced. 

 

“… Sebastian. Cool.” Kurt watched as he backed away from them he way one would from a wild animal, hesitantly and lacking eye contact completely, before he had disappeared completely into the crowd. 

 

Kurt sat in stunned silence for a few moments, slowly spinning his stool back to facing the table top. From the corner of his eye he could see Sebastian settle into the newly-abandoned seat and order a drink from the bartender, who passed the seemingly simple drink over immediately. Kurt could feel Sebastian’s body heat, and the brush of his arm against his own, with how close the stools were set on the floor.

 

“You…” Kurt stared out low before he couldn’t control his volume anymore. “You are despicable! What is wrong with you?! Do you have some sort of condition where you have to make anyone that’s happier than you feel bad? Is that it? Were you dropped on your head by your nanny as a kid? Because I really can’t find any reason that anyone would go so far out of their way to be such a dick!” 

 

Sebastian hadn’t even bothered to look at Kurt before he replied in a murmur. “Wow Princess, who knew you could be so ableist?” Apparently Sebastian was easily amused as he let out a laugh before sipping his drink.

 

“I’m serious!” Kurt used what little distance he had from the other boy to gain as much momentum as he could before he gave him a violent shove, and he couldn’t deny the satisfaction of seeing Sebastian’s face when it was covered in whatever he was drinking. 

 

Sebastian’s eyes were hard and piercing at they stared at Kurt then, finally giving him attention. He had grabbed a napkin from the stack across the bar top and wiped it across his face in quick, harsh motions, almost making Kurt wince at how rough he was being with the motions. 

 

“That was entirely unprecedented.” Sebastian’s short reply came.

 

“‘unprecedented’? You purposely came over to embarrass me in front of a perfectly nice guy. You’re vindictive and rude and really need to start putting your money where your mouth is with those words you once said about it no longer being ‘fun and games’. Although of course, Sebastian goddamn Smythe couldn’t le-“

 

“It was a play.”

 

Kurt stopped shortly, eyebrows furrowing. “A ‘play’? What was a play? How much have you been drinking?”

 

“That guy, or should I say _those guys_ , with how they were tag-teaming you. They pulled a classic move; one guy pretends to be a creep so the other friend can ‘save’ the poor victim from him, hence becoming more attractive and heroic in the victim’s eyes. Not my fault you fell for it.”

 

Kurt stared at him blankly, mind racing. _Is he serious? Was I really just played? What?_

 

Sebastian on the other hand seemed to have complete composure as he swigged down whatever was left in his tumbler. He swallowed with a sigh, mumbling “damn, that’s good shit” under his breath.

 

“I need…” Kurt started, trailing off solemnly. 

 

“You need…?”

 

Kurt perked up so suddenly it almost gave Sebastian whiplash. “Alcohol.” He raised his arm to flag down a bartender -female now- and spoke in a clear tone. “I would like some tequila please.” 

 

Sebastian almost laughed at the raised eyebrow she was giving Kurt, but instead decided to take sympathy by flicking Kurt’s hand away and taking control of the drink ordering.

 

“Just bring him some tequila shots, neat. And a few bottles of water just in case.” 

 

The bartender stared at the two of them with a small grin before starting to pull a few tiny glasses out from behind the counter. Once she had two glasses filled to the brim with the clear liquid, she turned, calling out over her shoulder, “I’ll be back with your waters!”

 

Without another word, Sebastian cupped the glasses with his palm and pushed them towards his daring companion. He took great amusement in the daunted expression on Kurt’s pale face. 

 

“Wait, aren’t you having one?”

 

Sebastian grinned. “Of course not Hummel; someone’s got to be sober enough to witness your escapades.” He pushed one of the glasses closer to Kurt. “Go on, you wanted tequila, you get tequila.”

 

Kurt reached out his hand and took the glass in his fingers, staring down at it apprehensively. 

 

“What? Are you waiting for it to evaporate?” 

 

Kurt dragged his gaze to Sebastian leering face.

 

“Or does the kitty no longer have his claws?”

 

_Mom, please forgive me,_ were Kurt’s thoughts before his tipped the shot back into his mouth. He was quick to swallow against the sharp burning taste in his mouth, but started coughing when it was down, his face twisting in a grimace.

 

“Oh, m-my _God!_ That was, oh shit, disgusting!” Kurt choked out, Sebastian’s laughter the constant backing track to his suffering.

 

“That’s because you didn’t throw it back you dumbass!” Sebastian had apparently recovered quickly enough to reply. “Now this time, don’t let it touch your tongue so much, okay?” He instructed as he pushed the second glass closer to Kurt, and moving the now-empty one closer to the back of the bar top. It was collected promptly by the bartender that was bringing the water bottles to them. He gave her a grateful nod of his head and a motion to request more shots before grabbing one of the bottle and wrapping his hand around the neck to crack it open. “And this time, you can chase it with some water for good luck.”

 

Kurt closed his eyes and breathed in and out a few times. When he re-opened them, Sebastian was staring at him unblinkingly and hypnotically. 

 

“I hate you.” Kurt said simply.

 

Sebastian’s grin was mischievous.

 

“I hate you too. Now drink up.”

 

Kurt obliged. 

 

—

 

“Mrrgh” Kurt groaned as a bright light burned into his retinas, causing him to bury his face into the soft cushion he was resting on. His head felt tight and painful, while his mouth felt cotton-y and disgusting. 

 

“Well good morning to you too sunshine!” A faux-cheery voice sounded from nearby, causing Kurt to freeze, opening his eyes slowly. He took in his surrounding slowly, noting the floor-to-ceiling windows that were the cause of his suffering, and the soft grey couch he was laying down on. Finally, he looked up to see a sleep-disheveled Sebastian Smythe grinning at him over the rim of a mug from his position, leaning against a counter. 

 

“Urhhh” Kurt whined again, curling back down into the couch cushions, feeling the softness of the blanket around him start to slip away. He lazily reached for it, and re-wrapped it around himself. “What the hell is going on?” his speech was muffled, but it was mean as rhetorical, so he didn’t care. Sebastian clearly didn’t get that.

 

“Well right now you are waking up on my couch at 9:30 on this beautiful Saturday morning!” Sebastian’s tone was encapsulating his apparent amusement, only causing irritation to run through Kurt’s veins. 

 

“Okay,” he said calmly, raising his head from the cushion. “Well then how did I get here? I mean we didn’t do… wait you did’t do anything right? To me?” Panic was tinging Kurt’s words as he sat up suddenly, ignoring the spike of pain in his temples.

 

The amusement fell from Sebastian’s face immediately, as he straighten up. “No! Of course not! Geez Kurt, you were drunk out of your mind. I know you still think I’m shady but that’s going a little far.”

 

Kurt sighed and bowed his head. “Yeah, yeah of course. Sorry, I know that. I… Sorry.” 

 

A few awkward moments passed before Kurt saw Sebastian’s figure moving from the corner of his eye, at first further into what looked like a kitchen area, before returning. Kurt looked up and watch as Sebastian stood next to the couch stiffly, before going to sit next to Kurt on the couch, but seemingly changing his mind last minute and quickly switching round to sit on the coffee table that the couch faced closely. Probably a good call of his part.

 

Kurt watched Sebastian place a mug next to where he was sitting, opposite Kurt, filled with a steaming brown liquid and emitting a heavenly scent. He reached forward eagerly to grab it and started swallowing it down gratefully. 

 

“Wow, no worries about me poisoning it then I guess.” Sebastian spoke quietly. 

 

Kurt lowered the coffee mug and closed his eyes. “At this point I think poison would actually help me feel better.” 

 

Kurt was glad to hear Sebastian laugh at his statement, and smiled into his cup as he took another sip.

 

They sat there in silence, strangely compatible, until their drinks were long gone.

 

“So,” Kurt started weakly, “What actually did happened? I remember doing shots, and you critiquing me, but everything after that’s just, fuzzy, I guess.”

 

Sebastian nodded. “That sounds about right. The tequila hit you pretty fast and i could barely get enough water in you between rounds.”

 

“Oh, God.” Kurt groaned again, head ducked down as his cheeks burnt in the potential humiliation. 

 

“No, no, you actually weren’t too bad. A little loud and clumsy, but you are definitely one of the more graceful drunks I've met.”

 

“Huh.” Kurt said, thinking back to his sophomore year at McKinley and the memorable ‘Bambi Incident’. He must’ve matured more than he’d thought in terms of drinking habits, but then again, this time he wasn’t drinking booze that was pretty much just out-of-date cough medicine. 

 

“Why am I here then? If I wasn’t that bad?”

 

Sebastian gave Kurt a confused look. “Because you were still drunk; it didn’t matter that you weren’t being so obvious with it. There was no way I was going to risk anything happening to the poor baby gay his first time being drunk in the big city.” Kurt gave Sebastian’s shin a quick and ineffective kick. “Plus my place was way closer than Bushwick.”

 

“Oh. Thanks then I guess. One more thing though.”

 

“Shoot.”

 

“What am I wearing?”

 

Sebastian broke out in laughter as Kurt pulled the Dalton lacrosse shirt away from his torso to get a closer look.

 

“It’s my shirt dumbass. I finally got you on the couch and you wouldn’t shut up about how your clothes were worth more than my ‘exuberating, overrated existence’ so I got you some clothes to sleep in. Your words by the way.”

 

“Well, thanks again then.” Kurt sighed. How had he gotten to the point where his high school nemesis was helping him out like this? 

 

Oh right, the tag teaming douchebags.

 

Sebastian watched as Kurt stared down at his clasped hands, head hanging and likely still pounding. 

 

“I’ll get you some Advil and water okay?” Sebastian got a hum and slow nod in reply, so quickly stood, walking towards his bathroom with sure purpose, quickly stopping to grab a set of clothes from his bedroom on the way. He grabbed the tiny white and blue bottle from the medicine cabinet, and took a pitstop at the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. When he returned to his companion, his position was the same.

 

“I’m gonna make some pancakes. You feel up to eating?” He asked as he placed the objects where he was sitting before.

 

“Blueberry “ was the mumbled reply he received.

 

“Got it, blueberry. The uh, the bathroom in down the hall, first door on the left. You can shower in there if you want, I left clothes in there if you do.”

“Thanks.”

 

As he grabbed flour, sugar and baking powder from his cupboard, Sebastian kept an ear out for Kurt, hearing him shuffle around before moving down the hallway and shutting a door behind him. A few moments later, the shower was starting. Sebastian nodded to himself in approval; Kurt would hopefully feel a lot better afterwards

 

As he continued his cooking, Sebastian couldn’t help remembering last night, and how Kurt was when he wasn’t covering himself in metaphorical armour around him. It was refreshing, and while Kurt getting hammered wasn’t his preference, he was glad he got the insight into the enigma that had always been Kurt Hummel. 

 

After realising just how gone Kurt was, he wasn’t going to leave him alone in that bar, so he had been quick to put a stop on anything alcoholic Kurt could have. Caring wasn’t something he normally did for just anyone, but sitting with Kurt on the grimy sidewalk, rubbing his back while Kurt gradually started feeling better had been okay. Kurt leaning against him, forehead pressed to Sebastian’s shoulder as Sebastian hailed a cab for the two of them would’ve been a lot worse. He had been surprisingly stable in his inebriated state, and Sebastian was fine with supplying the little support he had just so happened to need. 

 

“Hi.” The sound of Kurt’ voice broke him out of his thoughts and he loaded to final pancake onto Kurt’s plate.

 

“Hey, you feeling better?” He asked, placing the plate of blueberry pancakes on to the island counter next to various condiments he had set out earlier. He watched, his own food in hand, as Kurt sat in the stool and begun eating. His hair was still damp and messy, a few pieces falling over his forehead, and his skin was flush from the heat of the shower. Dressed in one of Sebastian’s old cotton Henleys, he looked very bare and soft. It was a nice change.

 

“So,” he snapped back to attention at Kurt speaking. “You’re okay right? Last night wasn’t too weird or, I don’t know… too much for you?” Kurt was looking up at him calmly, but the way he was twisting the fork in his hand spoke otherwise. 

 

“Yeah.” Sebastian replied, voice cracking slightly. “I’m fine.”

 

Kurt nodded. “Good, that's good.”

 

“Yeah” he repeated. “It’s good.” 

 

_Surprisingly._

**Author's Note:**

> I am writing these so out of order, I'm so sorry.  
> I actually started this without re-reading the other work, so when I started this I was writing a coffeeshop meeting! whoopsie me!  
> so, that's that. let know know what you think I guess?? C:


End file.
